Internal Rumblings and Garden Weed

It started on an uneventful and lazy Saturday morning. Rumblings of the previous day were lingering on. News about rejection from an interview I had attended weeks earlier had unsettled me. A company which I wished to be part of were having mixed feeling about me. The feeling was no different in my own head. I had done my best, yet  where had I gone wrong.. Though determined to put this behind me and make a fresh start , I was looking for some distraction for the moment. I browsed through the newspaper and tried to solve my favourite puzzle...Sudoku .Even a simple puzzle with category "easy" was not something I could finish. An attempt to solve the spellthon was no different. These were not helping me in any way to settle down, reinforce my confidence or provide solace.

I had my breakfast and walked into my backyard .My garden had grown wild with over 3 months of neglect. Every week I had seen it grow wilder but had put off working on it under some pretext. Now the very sight of its wildness was appalling. While still dwelling on these thoughts, my mother came with her own request, to sow some tulsi seed. She had brought the seeds with her which meant there was no escape. Maybe this was the distraction I was looking for. Since I couldn't just plant the tulsi amidst the all the unwanted growth, I decided to first deweed the garden. So I began looking around for my garden tools. They too seemed to have disappeared amidst all the neglect. The spade needed for deweeding was nowhere to be found.  I asked my dad if he had seen it. Instead of supporting in the search he de-motivated me further saying that I was careless about the things I used. Surely this was not true. He was reacting from a small tiff we had earlier in the morning during breakfast. Nothing was turning out right this morning. Still determined to continue, I took a heavy sickle from the kitchen and began deweeding. Within a few minutes into work, the heaviness of the sickle was taking a toll on my hand. While almost ready to give up, I saw an old wooden spatula with a wedged sharp edge thrown in the garden. I took it and attempted to deweed and after that there was no stopping.

Into an hour of deweeding, this mundane work helped clear my garden and head , I recovered my missing spade and it taught me something. Weeds are unwanted plants that absorb essential nutrients, grow around useful plants, clutter and suck the life out of a garden. I was amazed that some of them were easy to remove with a slight pull while others needed a tight nudge and repeated hits with the tool. Sometimes only the stems come of easily, but the roots continue to lie deep, buried inside unseen. They then reappear with the first touch of rain sprinklings.

          

So what's new about all this? Its stuff known to all. Here are my backyard learnings. It dawned on me that our negative thoughts, habits and attitudes were no different from the weeds in the garden. They clutter minds, confuse our thinking and affect our relationships. They suck the liveliness out of life. While some thoughts and habits are superficial and are easy to get rid of, others are more deep seated.  Slight external influences can spring them back to life. Many attempts and constant work on them is needed to dislodge them and yet we never know if they are actually uprooted. I also realised how my own thoughts were affecting my attitudes, temperament and relationships with people.

Whether it is working on garden weeds or getting rid of negative thoughts or repairing relationships, More often than not we put off doing things because of the fear of not knowing where and how to start. We look for excuses such as not finding the right time and or the right tools. Sometimes a little imagination and a kitchen spatula may turn out to be better than an actual garden spade. Once begun, the actual work itself is not intimidating and in the process you may recover lost tools.

 My garden has been cleared for now..However I know it won't be long before it will need rework.